2017 archive

I took some time off over Christmas to do nothing but unplug, hangout with my family, and not think about anything.

I also read two amazing books. (Seriously, these are great.)

“Shoe Dog” by Phil Knight This is the story of Nike from its first day to the day it went public in the 80’s, written by the founder Phil Knight. I love books like this because it reminds me that big companies like Nike weren’t instant successes. We see the big company but miss the years of hard work, doubt, failure and in some cases dumb luck that lead to breakthroughs. Something I did not expect from this book was how honest Phil Knight was on how empty and frustrating parts of his success has been, and what he lost along the way. (His oldest son died in a diving accident and he is really open about how he dealt with it.) I really loved this book.

“Stuff Matters” by Mark Miodownik Everything we use and rely on is made of something, and that something is made of something else. The screen you are reading right now is made of glass or crystal and that glass or crystal is made of other elements that is made of a combination of other elements (and so on and so on). The author, Mark Miodownik, is a material scientist and is able to explain what “stuff” like glass, paper, or concrete is made of in a very scientific yet simple way that anyone can understand and be completely fascinated by.

I literally read this book in a couple hours. It was that interesting and understandable.

So, there you go. Add these books to your 2017 reading list. (You have already started writing your reading list right?)

Last year I listed my top 5 books as well as 8 that almost made top 5. (Check out 2015’s list here)

This year I am going to list my top 5 books of 2016, these are the books that I read and re-read that made the greatest impact on how I live and think, plus 12 other books that I had a hard time not adding to the top 5.

The “Honorable Mention” list are a few other books I enjoyed from the books I completed in 2016. (I don’t finish every book I start, if I get bored or I lose interest I don’t waste my time in finishing.)

All of these books are really amazing. Just buy them all.

Top 5 Books of 2016:

1) “Essentialism” by Greg McKeown 2) “The Way of the Heart” by Henri J.M. Nouwen 3) “American Icon” by Bryce G. Hoffman 4) “Humility” by Andew Murray 5) “Reclaiming Conversation” by Sherry Turkle

“Originals” by Adam Grant “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson “Adventures in Prayer” by Mary Jo Pierce “Deep Work” by Cal Newport “How Google Works” by Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenberg *Re-read from 2015 (Probably should be top 5 since it’s the second year I’ve listed it.) “Sprint” by Jake Knapp “Finding Eve” by Rita Springer “The Wisdom of the Desert” by Thomas Merton “The Desert Fathers: Sayings of the Early Church Monks” by Benedicta Ward “Sacred Listening” by James L. Wakefield “Prayer Primer” by Thomas Dubai “The New York City Noon Prayer Meeting” by Talbot W. Chambers

Honorable Mention:

“Ego is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday “Poets and Saints” by Jamie George “The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin” by Benjamin Franklin “The Leader Who Had No Title” by Robin Sherma “The Lives of the Desert Fathers” by Norman Russell

When you’re a kid and you see a ladder, you want to climb it. When you see a tree you want to climb it. When you see a mound of dirt, you not only want to climb it, you play “King of the Hill” to make sure no one else gets to the top of the hill before you.

As adults, not much has changed. We still have ladders. Only our ladders have become corporate structures and our hills have become title or position. But what if you’re not built for climbing ladders?

I read a lot. My wife reads more. (She read 63 books 2015) I was asked the other day what 3 to 5 books I would recommend for someone to read in 2016. Below is a list of the top 5 books I read in 2015 that made the greatest impact in how I think and live as well as 8 books that almost made the top 5.

1) “Creativity Inc. : Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration” by Ed Catmull 2) “Work Rules! : Insights from Inside Google That Will Transform How You Live and Lead” by Laszlo Bock 3) “The Year Without Pants” by Scott Berkun 4) “The Orbital Perspective” By Astronaut Ron Garan 5) “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Four Witnesses: The Early Church in Her Own Words” by Rod Bennett “Truely Free” by Robert Morris “Manage Your Day-to-Day” by Jocelyn K. Glei (Editor) “Thinking, Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman “Creating Magic” by Lee Cockerell “How Google Works” by Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenberg and Alan Eagle “Simplify” by Joshua Becker “Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennen Manning

I love this video and the perspective it gives us on Christmas.

Hearing the Christmas story my whole life, I tend to picture Mary and Joseph walking through the streets of Bethlehem with a saintly glow while people around them move aside in awe and wonder. But the reality is, they were two scared teenagers in an unfamiliar city with nothing but a promise from God to hold onto.

I wonder if this was happening today, how would I react? Would I stop and offer them help? Would I welcome them into my home and give up my bed to them? Or would I look down on them, assuming they were two kids who made some bad choices and walk away?

So many times we are looking for God only in the spectacular or miraculous and we actually miss the supernatural. We miss what God is doing around us and the opportunities He has put in front of us because they may seem small or insignificant.

I firmly believe that where it appears God is moving the least, He is actually doing the most!

The birth of Christ was an amazing day that signaled a new hope for the World, but it was not the end of the story. It was the beginning of an incredible plan God has for this World, a plan that is still moving forward, a plan that you and I have a key role to fill. You and I are the instruments the Lord has chosen to spread the truth and love behind the Christmas story. We have been chosen to take part in radically changing the world.

My prayer this Christmas season is that I would walk with open spiritual eyes, seeing the hand of God in everything around me. That I would move through this world with an open heart, ready to partner with The Lord to bring life, hope and love to the people I come in contact with.

I spent yesterday sitting next my friend as she took her final breaths in this world.

I cannot remember a time in my life I did not know her. Virginia was more than a friend; she was a sister.

She was always quick to encourage me, counsel me, and correct me if I needed it. There were times when I made her laugh, made her cry, and times when I completely infuriated her. But I knew she was always proud of me, and that she loved me.

Virginia was passionate about God, her husband and the hundreds if not thousands of students that she taught… more than taught, she impacted the course of their lives.

For the last three years, I’ve had the honor of being on the board of Stonegate Christian Academy, the school she lead and poured herself into. It’s hard to put into words the love and passion she had for that school. Not because she loved running it, but because she loved every single student that was there. She understood that she was responsible for more than their education. She had been given the responsibility to steward their lives and prepare them for the things God created them to do. To help mold them into the men and women God created them to be.

Virginia was an amazing person.

This is not the first time I have had to watch a close friend’s life come to an end. It’s always hard. But as I sit here thinking about Virginia, trying to process this loss, I am reminded of two scriptures that I have thought a lot about this year:

Hebrews 13:14 “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”

John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

These two scriptures bring me incredible peace, but they don’t take away the heartache. That is the amazing thing about a relationship with Jesus. Sorrow and peace can live together in the same heart.

There is sorrow because I will deeply miss my friend. But there is peace because I know I will see her again.

In our first year of marriage my wife worked double shifts waiting tables and I made $1000 a month doing “ministry”.

She worked, she sweated, she worried about our bills. She worried about us.

I didn’t work and I didn’t worry. I sat at Starbucks everyday reading books, magazines and my Bible… because I was called to “ministry”.

I put my marriage and my wife’s mental stability aside for my own desires.

Why did I do it?

I forgot that my first call of ministry, every husbands first priority of ministry is his family.

No exceptions.

You can be confident and arrogant. You can be confident and humble. You cannot be arrogant and humble.

One of the hardest but most important parts of working on a team, is letting go of the need to be right… and in some cases, heard.

Pride must be shelved.

A healthy team is made up of individuals who trust one another, and understand that it does not matter who has the last word, or whose idea ultimately becomes the team’s idea. What matters is the whole team working together towards the greatest result.

Unity rules.

Even if the team results in failure. Failure together can be just as powerful as succeeding alone.

When I was younger, just starting out in ministry, I desired to be a great leader. I wanted to command people, lead them into “battle”, and be respected by others for my wisdom and skill.

Leadership became something to attain. Something that positioned me over other people. It drove me to be in charge, to pursue what I thought was right even at the expense of what others wanted or needed. It lead me to become dismissive, cold in my communication, and ultimately alone in what I felt God was calling me to do.

In short, my definition of leadership was unhealthy. It fed my pride and I became a very selfish, very lonely “leader”.

Now, I’m a little older, hopefully a little wiser, and I’m much more interested in being the best team mate, the best servant I can be.

Jesus said it best in Luke 22:24-27:

^“Then they began to argue among themselves about who would be the greatest among them. Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.”

I have had the pleasure of serving under some great leaders and a few not so great leaders. (Yes, even serving under a bad leader can be a pleasure if you learn from it and apply what you’ve learned to how you lead.)

Looking back over the many leaders I have served under, I have compiled a list of eleven things that I have learned and that I try to apply to the people I lead. (I say try because I know I have failed many more times than I have succeeded.)

1) Stay calm.

As a leader (You could also insert Husband or Father here.) you live in a fishbowl. Everything you do (and feel) is seen and magnified. That means that when you’re at a six people will perceive you at an eight, which will usually push them to a ten or worse, they’ll overload and burnout. (The truth is no matter where you are your team will probably think you’re at an eleven.)

Bonus Thought: You may feel like you do a good job at hiding your emotions, but you’re human so you probably don’t do as good of a job as you think. Because of this, it’s important to have people around you that will speak honestly and directly to you and help reel you in.

2) Be present

Both physically and emotionally. An absent leader may think they are communicating trust in their team but what they are really communicating is “what you are doing is not that important to me, and since it’s not important to me, it’s not important to the organization.”

Bonus Thought: If the leader is not present how can they see the great things their team is accomplishing and give sincere and generous praise? (see point 10)

3) Don’t try to be Omnipresent

You can’t be everywhere and in everything. You’re not God. (though I have met a few leaders who think they might not be God but they’re the next best thing, but that is a whole different post.) Trying to be involved in every decision is called micro-managing. The only thing micro-managers create is exhaustion. They exhaust themselves and their team.

4) Engage

Don’t just ask for reports, engage in a conversation. Don’t just ask what decisions where made or what was done, ask why. Engage in the thought process. Learn what is making your team tick. This will not only give you information, it will give you understanding of the different personalities and talents of your team and will add value to them. (Unless of course you do nothing but tell them the way they should have done it or how YOU would have done it.) See #8 for more on this.

Bonus Thought: As a leader, you probably have a million plates spinning all at once. So how to you decide what to give your attention to  or engage with at any given time? You give it to what is in front of you. There is nothing more frustrating to a team or team member then when the leader who is with them physically isn’t there emotionally or mentally.

5) Give freedom

I’m no historian, but I’m pretty sure that when a Pyramid was finished in Egypt, the builders didn’t feel a sense of accomplishment or pride in their work. Why? Because they weren’t builders, they were slaves working under task masters.

Hopefully you’re not a task master and you don’t see your team as slaves. Give you’re team ownership of what they are doing. You can and should set parameters, but let them run in the boundaries you set. Let them work freely in their passions and with the natural gifts they have.

6) Trust

If you can’t trust a team member to make good decisions or accomplish the job they are given, then maybe they shouldn’t be on your team at all. See #3 (Of course, the problem could be that they have not been given the tools or training they need to accomplish what they have been given to do. This isn’t their fault, it’s their leaders.)

7) Cast vision (constantly)

Teams don’t just need to know what needs to get done. They need to know why they are doing it. However it’s not enough to communicate the “big picture” of the organization, teams also need to understand the importance of what they are doing and how without it, the “big picture” can’t be accomplished. (One of the quickest way to lose a valuable team member is to make them feel that what they are doing is not important or they are just “spinning their wheels” with busy work.)

8) Correct and train

Mistakes will always happen. But they will keep happening if they are not corrected. No one wants to make a mistake, and a person can’t correct a mistake if they don’t know they are making one or why they are making it.

The only way to keep a team member from repeating a mistake is to train them on how to do it right.

9) Manage pace

There will be times that you have to push your team. Deadlines are a real thing. But, If the leader has done their job, they have built a team of incredible people who not only believe in what they are doing, they believe in you and your goals.

Passionate people push. They sacrifice. They work hard. They love what they do. A leaders job is to know where their team is, what they are doing and when they are doing too much. A great leader will help motivate their team to get things done the best way they know how but should also strive to keep them healthy.

Not everything has to get done now or tomorrow. A quick way to burn out a team and the families of a team is to allow them to push themselves beyond what is realistically possible.

Bonus Thought: Nothing worth doing is worth doing fast. Anything great takes time. A leader that loses sight on the pressure their team is under is not leading well.

10) Be sincere and generous with praise

Everyone needs affirmation. Everyone needs to know that what they are committing their time and lives to is noticed and appreciated. Always look for ways to praise your team or team members. But not just privately, publicly.

But it needs to be sincere.

Praise for the sake of praise or as a motivational tool is not really praise, it’s flattery. It’s meaningless or worse, it can come across as belittling. In order to be sincere in your praise you need to have a real understanding of what is being accomplished. And you can’t do that if you’re not present (see #2) or engaged with your team. (see #4)

11) Make failure safe

A team that is afraid to fail will be afraid to innovate. Sometimes doing the same thing that has always been done is a good thing, but when it stops working you need people that are willing to take risks and change. People won’t be willing to try new things if they are afraid of the consequences of failure. Remember the response of Thomas Edison when he was asked about his many failures while inventing the Light Bulb: “I have not failed, I have found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Final Bonus Thought: If you are leading well then the people you are leading are not only doing a great job, but are becoming better leaders themselves. This means that more then likely they will grow beyond what they are doing for you.

This is a GREAT thing.

This is why leaders should not see themselves as owners or bosses of a team, but as stewards. Stewardship is being temporarily responsible for something that is not yours. A good steward will strive to take what they are responsible for, and make it better.

(As a pastor I have the privilege of working with great teams of volunteers. The list above can absolutely be applied to leading unpaid volunteers, but if you work with volunteers on a regular basis you should also read: “4 Things Every Volunteer Needs to Keep Their Head From Exploding.”)

I can get from my house to my office in about fifteen minutes. I can get back home in a little over twenty depending on the traffic. But every so often I take the long way home.

The long way is full of one lane roads, stop lights, slow drivers and low-speed limits. If I hit most of the green lights I can make it home in around forty to forty-five minutes.

So why would I choose the long, seemingly inconvenient way home?

Because my wife and kids deserve to have me fully present when I get home. They don’t need to compete with the day’s frustrations, stress, unanswered questions and unfinished to-do lists.

They deserve to have all of me the second I walk through the door.

The long way has become my “decompression chamber”. It’s my time to process the days events, think about the questions I didn’t ask and plan for the things I didn’t get done. It’s also my time to pray.

I wish I could say that taking the long way home was my idea, but it wasn’t, it was my wife’s. She was the one who told me she would rather me be home late and present than early and gone.

So that’s what I do.

I choose the long way.

I choose to slow down my life for just a little bit, in order to give my family one of the greatest gifts a Husband and Father can give his family…

Himself.

It is a powerful thing to be confident in who God created you to  be. To understand that you were created for a unique purpose. To boldly walk in the knowledge that the only person who can truly define who you are and what you will become is the Lord.

Well meaning people will try to “help” you discover your purpose. They will try to nudge you in a direction you should go… the direction they think you should go.

Don’t.

Be confident in who you are.

Be bold in the gifts and talents God has given you.

Don’t let people tell you who you are or what you were created to do.

Most of us can’t see past our own insecurities enough to adequately discover what the people around us where created for.

We judge each other based on our own abilities, style, opinions and purpose. And if you aren’t like us, we don’t celebrate it, we want you to change.

Don’t listen.

Be yourself.

Pursue what it is that God has called you to do, and do it with all your heart.

Discover your unique purpose.

You have nothing to prove.

Be bold.

1) Children’s Pastor I think this is the most important ministry of the church and if not done well will kill even the most organized church, well funded church. (Keep the kids safe. Keep the kids having fun while learning about God. You reach the kids, you can reach the family.)

2) Communications Pastor Yes, this would be my second hire. (If I had the money I would #1 and #2 at the same time.) We live in a world where right communication matters. Fortune 500 companies have been taken down by accidental Tweets, politicians have lost campaigns by one misworded email response, and 14 year olds have started mulit-million dollar global campaigns because they know how Snapchat actually works.

We (the church) have the most life changing message, but so often we don’t take the time to learn the best medium of communication, or what really needs to be said. (And no, you don’t HAVE to be on Tv.)

I think most of the time we let the cost (which is pretty minimal now) dictate priorities in this area and it kills us.

3) Executive Pastor Most Senior leaders of any organization are usually great visionaries but are light on details. Having someone who lives for the details, someone who loves mapping the dots between A and B is essential.

BONUS HIRE: A good accountant. It would be a good idea to have someone who understands budgets and say… tax law. You know, just to keep bills paid and pastors out of jail.

When I was fifteen, my parents gave me my first car. It was a Saturn. I loved that car. My brother and I shared that car, had fun in that car, and if I’m totally honest, abused that car. (We were teenagers, that’s what they do.)

So ten years ago when my wife and I needed a new car, I saw another Saturn, and I knew I had to have it. And again, I fell in love with that car.

It was the first car we bought with our own money. The first car we picked out at a dealership. The first car that we spent hours sitting with a salesman negotiating a price. The first car my wife and I paid off together.

It has taken us on more road trips than I can count. My brother drove my 8 month pregnant wife the LONG and UNCOMFORTABLE drive from Orlando to Dallas while I followed them in a moving truck. We slept in that car when there were no available hotel rooms on that same trip because they were all full of people displaced from their homes by Hurricane Katrina.

I drove my first newborn daughter home from the hospital in that car. (Another very long trip even though we only lived three miles from the hospital… new Dads always drive extra slow on that trip.)

I have probably spent more money on repairs to the car than I paid for the car. And I imagine the amount of money spent on that car is numerically equal to a number of times I have defended that car to my wife when she (wisely) wanted to replace it with a more dependable one.

I loved that car.

But the time has come to say goodbye. I told my wife that I would drive it until the “wheels came off”. Well, almost 200,000k miles later, I practically have.

It has been a hard decision for me. The car died a few months ago and has been sitting in my driveway since. I know it still has some miles left in it, and someone with the know-how will be able to fix it up and use it. Unfortunately, I don’t have the know-how and my wife does not have the patience. So we made the decision to say goodbye.

Even after we made the decision, I have been hesitant.

Until last week.

Last week there was an unsolicited knock on our door. It was a young couple with two kids that are the same age as our two youngest. They saw the car sitting in our driveway and asked if it was for sale, and if so for how much. They were looking for a second car, didn’t have much money to spend, and didn’t care if it ran or not. He was a mechanic; he can fix anything.

I waited a week and then called him back. He missed my call, and when he did call me back he apologized for calling so late, but he and his wife were in church, “praying for a blessing”. (He has no idea that I’m a Pastor)

I told him I did not know how much of a “blessing” it would be, but if he wanted the car, it was his, he could have it.

And so today, when he gets off work, he is coming over with a trailer to take it away.

I was thinking last night and wondering why saying goodbye to this car has been so hard for me. It’s just a car. But as I thought more about it, I remembered a commitment my wife and I made when we were first married to never miss a Tithe or ignore a chance to give, even if it was a little, when the Lord prompted us to. I also remembered all of the times we had to decide if we were going to pay the car payment or another bill with the little money we had left any given month. But even though we only had the money for one, God would always provide for both. We never missed a car payment, and we have always been able to pay our other bills.

God always provided what we needed when we needed it.

The “Sermon On The Mount” has always been my favorite teaching in the Bible, and Matthew 6:31-34 has always been a foundation for me and has given me great hope: “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.“

So after today, we’ll be down to one running car. Can I replace it? Not right now. Do I have a plan? Not really. Am I worried? Not at all.

That car is more than a car. It is a blessing from the Lord. And now that car is going to be a blessing for someone else.

So, with all that said, today, with a heart full of joy and peace, I say goodbye to my old four-wheeled friend.

Knowledge and wisdom are not the same.

We journey through life collecting all sorts of little facts. We learn all sorts of lessons. We gather all kinds of experiences. But that is not wisdom, that is just knowledge.

WISDOM comes when we take all the knowledge that we have accumulated, all those lessons we have learned, and APPLY it in a positive way to our lives. Knowledge is just accumulation. Wisdom is the application.

2015 has already started out as such a whirlwind, I feel like I haven’t had a chance to take a breath. But I did take a few moments to identify the three greatest lessons I learned in 2014 so I could write them down, apply them to 2015 and share them with you.

They’re pretty straight forward, but I can assure you, learning them was a whole lot harder then writing them out.

Lesson One: Live simply.

Forgive when your wronged. Love even when it hurts. Seek out the best in people. Don’t spend so much time on how things could be, simply look at how they are and seek to make them better.

I spent 2014 trying to simplify the things in my life. Some things I’ve done have been very practical like making lists, focusing more on the majors then on the minors, and controlling both the mental and physical clutter in my life.

The goal really has been to cut out the things in my life that may be GOOD things, but aren’t GOD things.

You can read about what started this task of simplification here. I’ve also written a few other articles in this same vien and posted them here.

Lesson Two: Anything worth doing is going to be hard… and may come with some disappointment.

In Luke 14 Jesus talks about the importance of counting the cost before making a big decision (He specifically talks about building a tower, going to war or becoming His disciple). But why? Because we need know the reality of what we’re getting into, and the reality of building a tower, winning a war or becoming a true disciple is it is going to takes time, hard work, and it won’t always go according to plan.

They’ll be setbacks, they’ll be days you have to recalculate or re-plan. And they’ll be days you just want to shut everything down and quit.

But the hard work will (eventually) pay off. And let’s be honest, if the things we are committing to are easy, they are probably not worth doing.

Having a great marriage is hard work.

Raising kids who grow in character and love God is hard work.

Pressing in and praying until you see a breakthrough is hard work.

But it’s worth it.

Lesson Three: It’s easier to give advice then to live by it.

As a pastor, I give lots of advice. I tell people things like “Trust God”, “God is faithful”, “God is your provider, not man.”

But last year came with some personal setbacks, some hurdles that I had to overcome. There were many times where I wanted someone to tell me the things I’ve told others.

But the truth is, I don’t need them to. Because all those things I tell others to encourage them are not just “feel good” sayings. They are truth, and my God is bigger and more faithful then any problem I could ever face.

I don’t need someone following me around all day long looking for opportunities to encourage me when I’m down. What I need is to keep myself connected to The Lord. I need to remember that I need his presence like I need oxygen.

I need to remember to live by my own “advice”.

This may be the best conversation I’ve had with my five year old son to date. The kid cracks me up.

Cameron: “Your sunglasses look like mine.”

Me: “They do? But mine are camouflage.”

Cameron: “So are mine!”

Me: “No they aren’t, they’re Micky Mouse sunglasses.”

Cameron: “Yeah, and if I was standing next to Micky Mouse they’d be camouflage.”

I love being his dad.

This morning I’m picking up a few things from the store with my Daughter Dylan in the shopping cart. As I’m grabbing what I need, I’m approached by a young man, hat cocked sideways, Vanilla Ice looking stripes shaved into the side of his head his under his hat, wearing a t-shirt of some hip-hop group I’ve never heard of walks up to me and just starts talking.

This is the actual conversation we had:

Him: “How old is she?” Me: “Six Months.” Him: “She’s cute.” Me: “Thanks man.” Him: “I got a little girl on the way. My girl’s six months pregnant.” Me: “Man, that’s great! Congratulations! Little girls are awesome, she’s gonna change your life.” Him: “I know, It’s crazy. It’s a big deal. Wasn’t really planning on it. Don’t think I’m ready.” Me: “We’re never really ready. But you’ll be fine. You’ll do a great job.” Him: “Yeah, I’m just too young though. I’m still a kid.” Me: “How old are you?” Him: “Twenty-Three.” Me: “Nah, You’re not a kid.” Him: “You know what I mean. I still feel like a kid.” Me: “You may feel like a kid, but you’re not. You’re a man, and you’re about to be a dad. You know the difference between a man and a kid?” Him: “What?” Me: “A man takes responsibility for his actions. He steps up even when he doesn’t feel like it. You seem like the kind of guy who’s gonna step up. I can tell. You’re gonna be a good Dad.” Him: “I just don’t know what to do.” Me: “Man, I’ve got three kids and I still don’t know what to do!” Him: “For real!?!” Me: “Seriously! I’m still figuring it out. But you don’t really have to know a lot. Ninety percent of being a Dad is just being there. The worst thing you could do is nothing.” Him: “Well, I’m not gonna leave. I’m gonna take care of her.” Me: “I know you will. But here, take this. (handed him my business card) That’s got my number and email on it. When you do feel like quitting, and you will, we all do at some point, call me.” Him: “Ok, thanks, I will. (looks at card) You’re a Pastor? (gets an embarrassed look on his face).” Me: “Yeah, don’t hold it against me. (My daughter starts crying) Alright man, I gotta go. She’s getting crazy. Seriously call me if you need anything.” Him: “I will.” Me: “(As I’m walking away) Oh hey, one more thing. Do you have a job?” Him: “Yeah, kind of.” Me: “Kind of? You probably need to get a job. Kids are expensive.” Him: “(Laughing) Yeah that’s what I hear! Thanks!”

I’m not sure how it is I tend to have so many conversations like this in the middle of the most random places. Maybe I just need to open a church in a Walmart.

You think it’s a small thing but it’s making a big impact on your life. Guys, you do know that all your friends on Instagram and Facebook can see every image, video or article you “like”, don’t you?

Maybe you didn’t know that’s how it worked. Maybe you didn’t know that on the same account that we see you post how much you love God, your wife, your kids and your church. The same place where you post your favorite Bible Scriptures, pictures of your bible study notes, the small group lesson you’re about to teach, or how you can’t wait for worship this weekend, we also see every inappropriate picture or video you “like”.

Maybe you didn’t know that, or maybe you do and you just don’t care. But you should care. Because it’s a problem. Because just like the pictures you post are a window into your life, this content that you are looking at and endorsing with your “likes” is a window into your heart. And maybe you’ve convinced yourself that’s it’s “not a big deal”, “It’s just Instagram, it’s not like I’m looking at porn.”

Well, you’re wrong. It is a big a deal.

Here’s something else you may not know, it’s hurting you. It’s hurting your marriage. It’s hurting your testimony. It’s hurting your ministry. It’s hurting your potential to reach the people around you. It’s hurting your relationship with God. It’s only getting bigger and it’s won’t just go away on it’s own.

I’m not judging you. I’m concerned about you. I’m trying to help you. I’ve seen too many men lose too much, because of something they thought was so little, that became uncontrollable.

So stop right now. Take a minute and listen to the Holy Spirit. Is this for you? That offense or anger you may be feeling right now may not be anger at all, but loving conviction from the Lord.

Repent. Ask the Lord to forgive you. Ask Him to free you. Call your Pastor, a church leader, a mentor or a friend that won’t judge you but walk beside you through this process of freedom. (And if you are married, let them help you talk to your wife)

And then, delete your Instagram or Facebook. It may seem extreme, but I can assure you that what you are gaining far outweighs what you are losing.

Today could be the best day you’ve had in a long time.

We’re all just one bad decision away from being in the exact same spot.

Last week while at a local playground with my family, something happened that will forever change the way I see my daughter.

I watched my eight year old daughter position herself between four older boys and the little girl, no more than four or five years old, who they were picking on.

She stood her ground, telling them to leave the little girl alone and asking them why they would be so mean. When the boys tried to reach around her to knock the flowers the little girl was holding out of her hands, Reese simply pushed their hands away.

As I moved closer to make sure my daughter was alright, I saw a look in her eyes I have never seen there before. It wasn’t fear or anger it was courage… and compassion. I could see in her eyes she felt as bad for these boys as she did for this little girl she was protecting. She truly didn’t understand why they had to be so mean.

I don’t know if the boys realized that Reese wasn’t going to give up or that I was standing behind them, but after a couple of minutes the stand off ended. The boys moved to the other side of the playground and played by themselves, the little girl went back to picking flowers and I stood their in absolute awe of my daughter.

As we walked away from the playground, I told Reese how brave I thought she was and how proud I was of her. She looked up at me and said, “I just don’t like bullies.”

She’s my hero.

“Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The Lord will work out His plans for my life — for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.” Psalm 138:7-8

Someone shared this passage from Psalm 138 with me, and I was so encouraged by it I wanted to share it with you so that you never forget these truths:

God made you. God saved you. God has a plan for you. God will NEVER abandon you. God’s love for you is FOREVER.

Read it. Meditate on it. Write it down. Never forget it.

Creating silence has become one of the most powerfully productive exercises I have ever established in life. It’s amazing how much noise surrounds us everyday, keeping us from really taking a breath and just think.

I can get more accomplished in one day by starting my day with 15 or 20 minutes of silent thought, then I can in a week without it.

It started for me six or seven years ago when I decided to turn off the radio in my car on my way to and from work. That brief time in thought helps me order my day and opens my ears to listen to what The Lord has to say about it. (Without interrupting Him with my “great” ideas)

Try it, It’s not easy when you start, but nothing worth doing is.

I believe there are 4 things every leader can give his or her volunteers that would combat these results.

1) Volunteers need clearly defined and communicated EXPECTATIONS.

One of the most frustrating positions for any volunteer to be in, is when they find themselves serving in an “evolving role”, a role that seems to change every time they show up to serve. Clearly defined and communicated expectations (the what, when and where of a position) will solve this issue.

This may seem like an easy thing to do, but the number one enemy of a clearly communicated plan is an unorganized leader. I’m amazed how many times I have heard or said myself in frustration, “_________ never does what they’re supposed to do.” When, the person being referred to has never been told EXACTLY what to do. That’s not their fault, it’s the leaders.

(Ps: Clearly defined and communicated expectations will also answer the question, “How often can we ask a volunteer to serve?” Well, how often did you communicate the need to them?)

2) Volunteers need to be EQUIPPED.

I was very fortunate to serve under Dr. Edwin Louis Cole at the Christian Men’s Network.

One day he called me into his office and told me that I was now responsible for emptying his office trash can everyday. He then proceeded to walk me through the exact process he wanted done. He showed me how to take out the old bag, how to tie it up and where the dumpster was. He then showed me where to find the new bags and then showed me EXACTLY how he wanted the bag tied and secured to the trash can.

I remember thinking how ridiculous it was that he was being so precise and specific with his instructions, it was like he thought I had never emptied a trash can before or that I couldn’t figure it out on my own. But the reality was, even though I knew how to empty a trash can and put a new bag in, he wasn’t going to assume I knew how. He was saving the both of us from potential future frustration. (the fact is I had emptied a trash can before, but I had never emptied HIS trash can before, and he wanted it done the right way.)

Dr. Cole used to say, “You can’t expect what you don’t inspect.” Basically, if you want something done right, you don’t have to do it yourself, but you are responsible for the training. To put it Biblically, “Philip ran over and heard the man reading from the prophet Isaiah. Philip asked, “Do you understand what you are reading?” The man replied, “How can I, unless someone instructs me?” And he urged Philip to come up into the carriage and sit with him.” (Acts 8:30-31)

3) Volunteers need to be EMPOWERED.

This is pretty simple. Create volunteer positions that can be “owned” by a volunteer. Don’t create a position that is so rigid, that the volunteer feels like if they make one adjustment or mistake it will ruin everything. Every volunteer position should have some margin built into it, that a volunteer who is passionate can add his or her own gifting and ability to improve what they are doing.

I firmly believe that ownership fuels passion, and when you’re running towards passion, you’re running away from burnout.

4) Volunteers need to be ENCOURAGED.

When I say volunteers need to be encouraged, I’m not just talking about telling them they’re doing a good job.

The most powerful way we can encourage our volunteers is to constantly communicate how the role they are filling is important to the vision of the organization. (and if it’s not, then maybe it a role you don’t need.)

Here’s an example. Take a person who works in the church nursery holding babies. Week after week they sit in a room rocking the crying babies of strangers, changing dirty diapers and constantly having their clothes ruined as they get spit up on. We could tell them they’re doing a good job and we appreciate them, and that’s good, but it won’t fuel their passion. But when you tell them about the couple who were on the brink of divorce, and that because the church was able to offer childcare at the marriage conference they didn’t have to spend money they didn’t have on a babysitter. And while at that conference they both recommitted their lives to Christ and recommitted themselves to each other, it’s not a stretch or an exaggeration to say that happened because YOU were willing to give up attending the conference yourself to take care of a strangers baby.

That’s the kind of encouragement we need to give our volunteers. They need to know that what they are doing is the work of God. That they are building His Kingdom. That what they are doing is AS IMPORTANT as the ministry that happening from the platform. That is how a volunteer needs to be encouraged. (FYI, I didn’t make up that scenario above, that actually happened, and stories like that happen every week, we just need to be intentional about bringing our volunteers in on the celebration)

These four things may not be the “end all” of working with volunteers or solving the burnout issue, and I’m sure you have some things you would add and I’d love to hear them, but I do believe it keeps the process heading in the right direction.

Volunteers are a treasure that need to be protected. And it’s our job as leaders to protect them, even if it means protecting them from ourselves and our leadership mistakes. (we all make them)

That’s it. That’s the number I came up with. That’s all there is. That’s all the time my family gets from my schedule. Of the 168 hours in a week, my family gets 33% of my time. It’s not near enough. It’s not near what they deserve, so I better make the most of it.

Before you think I’m the worse Dad or Husband in the World, let me clarify a few things:

1) I only counted hours “with” my family that we were awake. You can’t really engage with someone while they are snoring. So I counted sleeping as “away” from my family.

2) As a Husband and Father, part of my responsibility is to provide for my family, which is what I’m doing when I’m at work, away from my family. And as long as I have boundaries in place that allow me to keep a healthy work/life balance, I’m not neglecting my family for work.

So now it doesn’t seem SO BAD… except that the numbers above are based on a good week. A week I don’t have evening services, after hours appointments, hospital visits, conferences our church might be hosting or anything else that may come up in a pastor’s schedule.

The reality is, it could be worse. (I’d imagine if we all looked at our schedules, we all ran the numbers, 33% might be on the high end.)

But here’s the real question. Of that 33% of my week that my family does get, do they get 100% of me? Or do they have to share their time? Do they have to share their time with things like the TV, my email, my list of things I didn’t get done at the office, my frustration from how my week may have gone, or anything else that would communicate to them that they are not really the most important thing in my life?

I may be with them, but am I really there? Do my kids know they have 100% of their Daddy’s heart? Does my wife know that no one compares to her? My words may say it, but does my time, focus and attitude?

These are some of the things I’m asking myself. These are some of the questions I’m committing my time to answering. These are some of the questions I’m using to help focus my priorities.

Are there any questions you need to ask?

I recently had the privilege of arranging a free lunch for the faculty of one our local Middle Schools. During the lunch I met Lanette, a teacher who was 8 days away from completing her first year of teaching.

Teaching is not a first career for Lanette. It’s her third. She explained to me that when she had the idea of leaving the banking industry and going back to school to become a teacher, she thought it was a mid-life crisis. She was in her mid forties, had an established reputation in a great field, but she wasn’t happy. She was tired of working for herself. She wanted to spend the rest of her life building up others.

She told me that on her first day of school she looked at her students and told them, “This year, you will love me and sometimes you will hate me… but I will only love you.”

When I asked her if she still felt the same way about her students, now that the school year was coming to a close, she answered, “You know what I did on Memorial Day? I made 200 brownies from scratch, and wrapped them up to give to each of my students. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t still love them.”

Lanette was excited that the school year was coming to an end, but she was even more excited about the news that her teaching contract had been renewed for another year, and she would be back with the students she loves.

We need more teachers like Lanette. We need more people like Lanette.

By the way… Her brownies were amazing.

How do I know I do them everyday? (Other than the fact that I do) Because I schedule them. That’s right, everything on this list is on my schedule. (No, I don’t really have “hug and kiss the kids” or “Kiss my wife” written on my calendar, but I do have blocks of time I have set aside everyday for nothing but giving my kids and my wife 100% of my attention.)

Why do I schedule them? Because they’re important to me. Because life is busy and there’s only so much time in a day. Because I have discovered that the things that are the least important tend to be the loudest and take the most time. Because if I don’t take control of my schedule, someone else will. Because I’d rather spend the limited time I have making sure I do the things that are important to me, rather then taking time away from them doing things that aren’t.

Ps. There will always be “busy work” that has to get done. The trick is not letting it take over your day or set your schedule. I set aside time everyday just for getting the “busy work” done. When that time runs out, I move on if the work is done or not. (I’ve had to learn to be ok with a todo list that is never done.)

Are you spending time on the things that are important to you or are you taking time away from them?

As I was waiting in line to check out, the woman in front of me was having her groceries bagged. While the customer ahead of me was waiting, she asked Sherry, the woman working the register, how her night was going. Sherry looked over the register and said, very sadly, that her day was not going very well. She was working the overnight shift, and on her way to work her drivers side window broke and would not roll up. She had secured a plastic grocery bag over the open window, but now she was afraid that the ice storm was going to break through the bag and didn’t know what to do.

After the customer in front of me finished paying, she told Sherry she was sorry to hear about her window and that she hoped her night would get better.

Sherry, grumbled a little thank you and then began scanning and bagging my groceries.

A few minutes later, the woman who had just left, walked back into Walmart and asked to see the manager. After speaking to the manager for a few minutes, she and the store manager walked back toward Sherry.

It turns out, when the other customer left the store, she walked straight across the parking lot in the falling sleet to the bank next door. She spoke to the bank manager and arranged for him to close one of his covered drive thru lanes and allow Sherry to park her car underneath during the night. The bank manager also agreed to keep the lane closed until Sherry was off work, even if that meant the lane would remain closed during business hours. She then walked back across the parking lot (in the freezing rain) and spoke to Sherry’s manager who agreed to give her a short break after she finished helping me, so she could move her car to the reserved bank drive thru.

As she (the other customer) was explaining all this to Sherry, Sherry just stood there in absolute disbelief. (Along with the rest of us in the very long line that watched this whole thing play out).

The woman, without even giving her name, just smiled at Sherry, told her to have a great night and then walked out of the store.

Like I said, it was the nicest thing I have ever witnessed someone do for a stranger.

Most of us have probably been asked this question in some form or fashion. A well meaning person thought it might help us make a decision or, at the very least, point us in the direction of an answer.

But it’s wrong.

Money doesn’t drive passion and it certainly doesn’t create it.

If money is what inspires you, you will never have enough.

Money shouldn’t drive you, nor should the lack of it hold you back.

A better question to ask would be, what would you do wether you had the money or not?

What keeps you up at night? What is it that start working on when you’ve finished your 9 to 5 and everyone else is winding down for the day?

What is it that The Lord has put in your heart that burns so deeply you don’t care what it takes to make it work or get it done?

Ask those questions. Find those answers. Then, do that.

The other day, it was taxes.

Reese: “How much does my school cost?” Me: “It’s free” (she goes to public school) Reese: “It’s FREE! No one pays for it?!?” Me: “No, we all pay for it when we pay our taxes.” Reese: “WHAT!?! TAXES!?! I HATE TAXES! I HATE KING GEORGE!” *(Realizing she just finished studying the Revolutionary War in school) Me: “No no no, I’m not talking about that kind of taxes. Those taxes were bad because the King was taking whatever He wanted and calling it taxes. The taxes we pay are good (ok, so I lied a little). They pay for things like Schools, Hospitals, Roads, Parks and a bunch of other things that we need.” Reese: “So then you get to decide what taxes to pay?” Me: “Well, not really, but we do elect the leaders who decide, so if we don’t agree with what they are doing we don’t have to vote for them again.” *(Reese gets out of the car and looks at me very seriously from the sidewalk) Reese: “Ok, but if they start taking too much, I’m gonna throw an English Tea Party.” Me: “Ok babe, I’ll keep you posted. Have a good day at School.”

Dr. Edwin Louis Cole was one of the most influential men in my life. He welcomed me into his home, his life, his ministry and thanks to his beautiful Grand-Daughter Lindsay who I married, his family.

I can honestly say that it is a rare day that something he said or taught doesn’t come across my mind or slips from of my mouth. (most of the time without realizing it.)

I thought I might share a few of the truths (in no particular order) that seem to be the most frequent. (with a few thoughts of my own that go along with some of them.)

Here they are…

Peace is the umpire for knowing the will of God for your life. This is become a foundational truth for our family. I can’t tell you how many times my wife or I have made a decision based on nothing more than the fact we didn’t have peace. This truth will turn most “hard” decisions into easy ones.

An ounce of obedience is worth more than a ton of prayer.

Character is more important than talent. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. We live in a world where talent is worshiped and character doesn’t matter. Unfortunately this is often true in the church as well. We are the first impression many people will have of Jesus, and sadly, many people have chosen not to trust Him because they can’t trust us.

The characteristics of the kingdom emanate from the character of the King. Same with business. Same with church. Same with Family. I may not be a king, but I am a father. My kids may not inherit the few talents I have, but they will pick up my character. When I see something in them I don’t like, I have to make sure I have dealt with it in myself first.

The man without an organized system of thought will always be at the mercy of the man who has one.

Don’t let someone create your world for you, when they do, they will always make it to small.

Change is not change until it’s change.

Don’t pray for opportunities. Pray you’ll be ready when opportunities come. A constant prayer I used to pray was “God, bring me opportunities to preach… open doors for me”. I remember one day driving in my car praying this prayer and I heard a clear response from the Lord, “I’ll bring you opportunities to preach, when you have something worth saying.” That was a hard lesson, but one that I’ll never forget.

You are only qualified to lead to the degree you are willing to serve.

When the charm wears off, there’s nothing but character left.

We tend to judge others by there actions but ourselves by our intentions.

Personal philosophy determines public performance.

The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who knows why will always be his boss.

Leaders determine to influence. Followers only happen to influence.

Worry is a substitute for prayer. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:6-7 (NLT)

1. Am I wearing a Tuxedo?
2. Am I 3 years old?
3. Am I a member of a Barbershop Quartet?
4. Am I Orville Redenbacher?
5. Am I from the year 1897 but by some sort of time travel accident I have arrived in the year 2014?

If the answer to any of these questions is ‘Yes’, than go ahead and wear that Bow Tie, if not, don’t.

Full disclosure, I’ve never been a fan of “personality tests”. I’ve never liked the idea of a stranger trying to figure me out through a system I had no control over or real understanding of. So when I took Strength Finders, it was completely out of obligation and with a real sense of caution (my wife however has been wanting me to take the test for YEARS).

When I saw my top 5 I just thought, “yeah ok, it’s pretty close” (again, my wife would tell you that it’s dead on). But yesterday afternoon during a conversation with a friend I was encouraged to take the next step and find out the order of all my strengths, more specifically, my top 10 and bottom 5.

Here are my “Top 10″:

1.Strategic 2.Command 3.Activator 4.Achiever 5. Belief 6. Self-Assurance 7. Intellection 8. Developer 9. Competition 10. Ideation

And now my “Bottom 5″

29. Discipline 30. Input 31. Individualization 32. Consistency 33. Harmony

I have to admit, It was interesting to see all 33 strengths and the order they were in. (the bottom 5 were really the ones that made me really take notice.) But when I sent the full list of strengths to my wife her response really gave me a new perspective on the test. She said, “Most of your high strengths are my low ones and vice versa.”

Seriously, most of her top 10 strengths were my bottom 10 to 15.

You mean to tell me that where one of us may be at our weakest the other is strong? As if this test not only just told me how I could develop as a productive person but maybe that scientifically it says that by some divine plan the Lord brought me a wife that absolutely compliments who I am?!?!?!

MIND BLOWN.

Sidebar: Have you ever looked at your full list of strengths? What are your top 10 and bottom 5, and what have you done if anything with that information for personal development?

Hardware: (Things you can touch, hold, tear, drop and break.)

Iphone- Always with me. Actually do most of my work on this. iPad Mini- This has quickly become my “go to” piece of hardware. Love the size of the Mini. Take it everywhere (work related) with me. I’ve decided if I can’t do it on this… I’ll just figure out how I can. MacBook Air- Favorite laptop ever. Neuyear Calendar- Best wall calendar you can buy. Love the design/layout. Action Journal- I’m 99% paperless in what I do (this was not an easy task to accomplish. Removed all paper and pens from my office for 2 months to make this a habit), but when the need arises, this is what I write in. Bible- HCSB Version on my desk, NLT in my bag, NKJV & Amplified next to my bed. I’m always trading out on which version I prefer.

Software: (Things I run on the things you can touch, hold, tear, drop or break)

Evernote- This is my brain on tech. Everything goes in it and nothing gets done without it. It took me awhile to figure out the most effective way to use it, but the system I’ve used the last 2 years seems to work great. (I think I could probably teach a class on using this tool, but that seems like a lot of work since there is so much quality training already available.) Logos Bible Software- Best Bible Software period. IA Writer- If I’m not writing it in Evernote, I’m writing it here. (then transferring it to Evernote) I’ve tried several “distraction free” writing apps. This has become my favorite. (followed by Writeroom.) I write all my email newsletters, blog posts, notes from church services/meetings that I don’t want to use Evernote so I’m not tempted to work on other things. (writing this post in IA Writer now.) Wordpress- My preferred blogging/CMS system. Love working with it. (Tumblr is my close second on this.) MS Outlook- Use this for church email/calendar.

Iphone Apps:

I have theory that a person really doesn’t need more than one screen of apps on there phone. Anything else is just distraction. (Seriously, take the time and see what apps you would keep if you were only able to use one screen hold them.)

Evernote- Same as above. Logos- Same as above. IA Writer- Same as above. Tempo Calendar- The best calendar app I’ve found. Love how it handles appointments and MS Exchange accounts. Buffer- Allows me to post to Twitter/Facebook/Google+ without falling down the rabbit hole of everyone else’s posts. VSCOcam- Take/Edit all my iPhone pictures with this app. Tweetbot- For when I want to see what my friends are posting. Love the way it handles Twitter’s lists function. Instagram- Love this app, though it can be a bit of a time suck if I’m not careful. Text+- Use this only to text with my daughter on her Kindle Fire.

Well, that’s about it. I’d love to hear what you think of the list above or get any suggestions you may have.