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Unresolved Issues

I was shocked by a conversation I overheard between two women. They were talking about a divorce one of them was in the middle of. It was a messy, painful divorce between two people who had been married for over 25 years. (I’m not sure how long exactly, but she kept using the term “25 plus year marriage.”)

The part of this conversation that got my attention was when the women going through the divorce said, “We’ve been arguing about this since we were dating. We just can’t take it anymore.”

WHAT!?! REALLY?!? The reason behind this divorce was an issue that went unresolved for over 25 years! Since before they were married!?! It’s almost hard for me to believe.

This couple, who I’m sure at one point were madly in love, let something negative in their relationship fester for over 25 years, and it eventually ripped their marriage apart.

I’ve been thinking about this conversation and here are a few thoughts that I had…

1) Marriage is NOT the answer.

If you’re single, dating or maybe engaged and planning a wedding, please listen to me. If there is a problem in your relationship, an issue that just won’t get resolved, GETTING MARRIED WON’T MAKE THE PROBLEM GO AWAY. Before going one step further in your plans or your relationship, you need to have the hard conversation. Put everything on the table and work it out. And if you can’t work it out on your own or you can’t find another Godly person to walk and pray you through it. DON’T GET MARRIED! Period.

2) If you’re already married, QUITTING IS NOT THE ANSWER.

I believe marriage is a covenant. A covenant not just between a husband and wife, but between a husband, a wife, and the Lord. Your willpower to stay and fight, backed by God’s divine power, CAN and WILL restore ANYTHING. Get that thing you’re dealing with out in the open. Expose it to the Light. Get people around you who will pray for you and counsel you. FIGHT.

3) YOU CAN’T IGNORE THE PROBLEM! Anything left to itself will fester and DIE.

If I had 100 million dollars and used it to build the most magnificent house anyone had ever seen, but then, when construction was over, I locked the doors and never did a thing with it, eventually that house would rot and fall.

True of a house, true of a marriage.

We can’t allow negative issues to go unresolved in our marriages. God is the redeemer. Not just of our lives, but of everything, including your marriage. A problem ignored will not go away, it will grow, and, over time, it WILL hurt you and possibly destroy you.

These were just a few of the thoughts I had while thinking about this conversation. I’m sad for that couple. I’m praying for them. I hope that God works a miracle in that marriage, and in yours.

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Misplaced Priorities

In our first year of marriage my wife worked double shifts waiting tables and I made $1000 a month doing “ministry”.

She worked, she sweated, she worried about our bills. She worried about us.

I didn’t work and I didn’t worry. I sat at Starbucks every day reading books, magazines and my Bible… because I was called to “ministry”.

I put my marriage and my wife’s mental stability aside for my own desires.

Why did I do it?

I forgot that my first call of ministry, every husbands first priority of ministry is his family.

No exceptions.


Originally published at Niles Holsinger.

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Choosing the Long Drive

A small loss for a big win.

I can get from my house to my office in about fifteen minutes. I can get back home in a little over twenty depending on the traffic. But every so often I take the long way home.

The long way is full of one lane roads, stop lights, slow drivers and low speed limits. If I hit most of the green lights I can make it home in around forty to forty-five minutes.

So why would I choose the long, seemingly inconvenient way home?

Because my wife and kids deserve to have me fully present when I get home. They don’t need to compete with the days frustrations, stress, unanswered questions and unfinished todo lists.

They deserve to have all of me the second I walk through the door.

The long way has become my “decompression chamber”. It’s my time to process through the days events, think about the questions I didn’t ask and plan for the things I didn’t get done. It’s also my time to pray.

I wish I could say that taking the long way home was my idea, but it wasn’t, it was my wife’s. She was the one who told me she would rather me be home late and present than early and gone.

So that’s what I do.

I choose the long way.

I choose to slow down my life for just a little bit, in order to give my family one of the greatest gifts a Husband and Father can give his family…

Himself.

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Great thoughts from my wife on Joshua 1

I love that the first nine verses of Joshua are like a locker room pep talk from God!! I just imagine God taking Joshua by the shoulders and looking him straight in the eye. Telling him to be strong and courageous… Giving him exact instructions and knowing exactly what to say to get Joshua right where he needed to be to take a leading role and take them to the next level! And I love that God put it here for us to experience all over again!!! Now it’s me He’s looking in the eyes and saying “don’t be discouraged, God, your God, is with you every step you take.”

Read Joshua 1:1–9 here.

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Choosing the Long Drive

I can get from my house to my office in about fifteen minutes. I can get back home in a little over twenty depending on the traffic. But every so often I take the long way home.

The long way is full of one lane roads, stop lights, slow drivers and low-speed limits. If I hit most of the green lights I can make it home in around forty to forty-five minutes.

So why would I choose the long, seemingly inconvenient way home?

Because my wife and kids deserve to have me fully present when I get home. They don’t need to compete with the day’s frustrations, stress, unanswered questions and unfinished to-do lists.

They deserve to have all of me the second I walk through the door.

The long way has become my “decompression chamber”. It’s my time to process the days events, think about the questions I didn’t ask and plan for the things I didn’t get done. It’s also my time to pray.

I wish I could say that taking the long way home was my idea, but it wasn’t, it was my wife’s. She was the one who told me she would rather me be home late and present than early and gone.

So that’s what I do.

I choose the long way.

I choose to slow down my life for just a little bit, in order to give my family one of the greatest gifts a Husband and Father can give his family…

Himself.