I was thinking about a conversation I overheard today while I was at Borders Bookstore. I really wasn’t meaning to eavesdrop on the two ladies sitting next to me, but it was hard not to since they were sitting at the table almost touching mine.
The conversation was between two ladies who seemed to be in there mid to late 40′s. These two women were talking about the divorce one of them was in the middle of. A messy, painful divorce between two people who had been married a little over 25 years. (I’m not sure how long exactly, but she kept using the term “25 year plus marriage.”)
The part about this conversation that got my attention was something the divorcee said to her friend. She said, “We’ve been arguing about this since we were dating. We just can’t take it anymore.”
WHAT!?! REALLY?!? The reason behind this divorce was an issue that went unresolved for over 25 years! Since before they were married!?! It’s almost hard for me to believe. This couple, who I’m sure at one point was madly in love with each other, let something negative in their relationship fester for over 25 years. And it grew to the point of ripping their marriage apart.
I’ve been thinking about this conversation all evening and here’s a few thoughts that I had…
1) Marriage is NOT the answer.
If you’re single, dating or maybe your engaged and planning a wedding please listen to me. If there is a problem in your relationship, an issue that just won’t get resolved, GETTING MARRIED WON’T MAKE THE PROBLEM GO AWAY. Please, before going one step further in your plans or your relationship, you need to have the hard conversation, get everything on the table and work it out. And if you can’t, if you just can’t work it out on your own or you can’t find any Godly person to walk and pray you through it. DON’T GET MARRIED! Period.
2) If you’re already married, QUITTING IS NOT THE ANSWER.
I believe marriage is a covenant. A covenant not just between a husband and wife, but between a Husband, a Wife and God. Your will power to stay and fight, backed by God’s divine power, CAN and WILL restore ANYTHING. Get that thing your dealing with out in the open. Expose it to the Light. Get people around you who will pray for you and with you. FIGHT.
3) Anything left to itself will fester and DIE. YOU CAN’T IGNORE THE PROBLEM!
I could take 100 million dollars and set out to build the greatest house that money can buy. I could buy the best land, used the best material, hired the top architects, most creative landscapers and the most skilled builders, and I could build a spectacular house. But then, if I took that finished house, locked all the doors and windows, didn’t allow anyone to move in, and ignored it for 10, 20 or 50 years, eventually the wood would rot, the landscaping would grow out of control, the paint would peal, the foundation would crack and the house would eventually collapse. True of a house, true of a person and true of a marriage. We can’t allow negative issues to go unresolved in our lives. God is the redeemer. Not just of our lives, but of everything, including your marriage. A problem ignored will not go away, it will grow and overtime it WILL hurt you and possibly destroy you.
These were just a few of the thoughts I had while thinking about this conversation that I heard in the bookstore, and I thought I would share them with you. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
I’m sad for that couple. I’m praying for them. I hope that God does a miracle in their marriage, and in yours.